snow & rainbows

Yesterday, one of the parents on a local Facebook group suggested we ask our kids to create rainbows to hang in the windows of our homes so we could spot them on our daily walks and feel the magic of community made visible. Within the day, the message had been shared more widely, rainbows had been made and hung, and a technologically savvy neighbor had created a live map of all the places where the rainbows could be found. We placed ours in our 4th floor walkup windows and to the map-maker noted, be sure to look up!

Just look at that. All those rainbows. It is magic when you spot them. We will hunt for more tomorrow.

At the dinner table tonight, one of my daughters said, I remember when it was winter and we were all bundled up and daddy and P and me were walking to school and I had boots on and they were crunching in the snow. Why haven’t we had snow? and I started crying (of course), maybe because of the wine or maybe because When will we walk to school again? or probably because Why haven’t we had snow? And What happened to winter? And Will it ever be winter again for us again? are some of the questions I’ve asked myself over the past few years. These questions are heavy stones sinking down the center of my body, the hollow echo, the welling of tears rising as the other things fall down. I miss snow! Could snow save us from this? Could a snow solve everything?! What could solve everything? What additional things am I supposed to be doing while I parent and vacuum behind the dresser for the first time in 6 years? Am I supposed to change gears and film myself in my bathroom singing dancing playing crafting creating being creative performing facilitating moderating life? I’m not ready yet. I’ve been reinventing myself daily for a while now.

There is no solving this. There might only be holding on tight to those in your circle and hope hope hoping we all can be wise enough to do our best for one another. There is only hanging on and checking in to see if your people are hanging on we’re only at the beginning please hang on.

There might only be staying home and waiting.

It’s only March. It could still snow.