Do you feel ignored?*

*My horoscope also said to give my heart what it wanted today, so I spent a bit of some precious alone-in-the-apartment-time cleaning the corner of the bathroom wall where the cat litter box is situated. I used a scrubby blue sponge, dish soap, a splash of bleach. I said to myself while cleaning: I’m cleaning a wall of peeling paint — what’s wrong with me? One day, I’ll write a whole book about the cracks in this apartment, the crooked floor and the way it leans, the widening gaps between the bathroom tile and the wall. I use a vacuum attachment to pull at history.

I took a long arm of a small cactus I received at plant swap two years ago and laid it across another pot of soil. I took two hairpins and gently pushed them into the damp soil, the sprouting roots touching. I didn’t watch a video on how and I don’t know it’ll work, but trust trust trust.

I went on a short-sleeved run
felt the air on my arms.
When I was far away from anyone,
I took my mask off
a single breath,
a promise. Gratitude
for the wheels inside
my own moving body.

A smiling baby
fresh from learning to walk
yesterday, toddled right over to me.
Maskless beautiful baby,
sweet sparkly baby eyes,
all softness.
I remember this.
I remember this fact.
I love babies.

She never does this, her mama said aloud. She never goes to anyone.

They always come to me.